JetBlue’s Marketing Campaign for Millennials is, “it’s all about you.”After the success of its highly-lauded MINT program, JetBlue has partnered with Millennial International to position yet another product in the market to target millennial travelers, otherwise known as Generation Y, born between the early 1980’s and early 2000’s. This morning, it has unveiled a huge, multi-million dollar project called, “Millennial Class” designed exclusively for Gen Y. Ticket sales for MC are expected to begin this fall.
A New Cabin Class on its Own
JetBlue touts itself as one of the few remaining examples of a successful, “hybrid” carrier in the United States that offers excellent value for customers at affordable fares. Network carriers such as American, Delta and United are increasingly monetizing their products across multiple passenger types in order to compete with deep-discount airlines like Spirit and Frontier, leaving few carriers to offer a middle-tier product that offers something in the middle.
With Alaska Airlines absorbing Virgin America over the next few years, this will leave few, if any, carriers left to provide value in this space. After a review of its product offering relative to competitors, JetBlue discovered that it offered, “the most, for less,” among all of its peers.
“As is, we treat all of our customers like they’re ‘trophy kids,'” said JetBlue CEO Robin Hayes. “Why not market a fare component that resonates well with an audience that likes to be rewarded merely for participation?”
The new Millennial Class will automatically include one free checked bag, a generous carry-on policy, advanced seat selection and the, “Even More Speed,” product to pass through security in designated fast-track lanes at airports. This was by design not solely because Generation Y is often too impatient to wait in security lines, but also because they are likely to scoff at investing in TSA PreCheck for being, “way too mainstream.”
Customers seated in Millennial Class will also receive one complimentary snack-box item, exclusively designed by millennial chefs based out of Bay Area startups. The concept is cleverly marketed as, “buy millennial, for millennials,” featuring menus created by prominent, “entrepreneurs” extradited from companies like Blue Apron, Hello Fresh, Sun Basket and Plated who felt uninspired and, “wanted to dream bigger.”
“This is a foodie generation, after all,” said Hayes. “We raised our kids to aim high like they’ll be on Top Chef, but they can always find a home at JetBlue, even when they’re washed-up from culinary school.”
JetBlue confirmed that all of these meals will be vegan, gluten-free, non-GMO, lactose-free, soy-free, germ-free, peanut free, carefree and xenophobia-free. All choices will be made entirely through organic farming methods, harvested, packaged and distributed by ethically-trained and fairly-compensated robots, engineered by off-shore Generation X’ers, of course.
“Swipe Right for Window or Aisle Seats”
Millennial class will have center seats blocked and passengers will be able to, “swipe” left or right for a window or aisle seat when making seat selections on the JetBlue app. Furthermore, millennials will get to enjoy in-seat power outlets at every seat. This was a move designed to prevent millennials from having an in-flight panic attack or succumbing to air rage when their smartphone ran out of juice from Snapchat overuse.
“We were unable to reach a bargaining deal with our Flight Attendants and amend their contracts in the event that they have to deal with a sobbing millennial during a social media meltdown,” said Joanna Geraghty, JetBlue Executive Vice President, Customer Experience. “We figured that the most preventative measure was to give them the ability to charge up their devices in order to mitigate that risk from taking place.”
Flight attendants did agree, however, to be there for the physical, as well as emotional, safety of their passengers seated in Millennial class. Boarding music will feature popular albums including the latest hits from Drake, Beyonce and Kendrick Lamar.
Millennial entitlement will not, however, exempt passengers from disobeying with any crew laws or instructions. During take-offs and landings, seats must be upright and locked in the politically correct position. All millennials are expected to comply with these policies, even if they appear to have consumed edibles or taken too much xanax pre-flight.
Selfies and Instagram filters will be, “more than encouraged,” however, according to Marty St. George, Executive Vice President of Commercial and Planning, as well as dating apps such as Bumble and Hinge.
“Our biggest concern is that we’re losing our edge as far as being a, ‘cool’ airline,” said St. George. “We want to be the first airline that welcomes you on-board as you proudly show-off your new and hip pair of Raybans that you purchased after an exhausting GoFundMe campaign.”
“Check Your Bag, and Your Privilege”
Contract of carriage states that all customers traveling in Millennial Class must also check their privilege upon checking bags. That means that when being asked routine questions during online, kiosk or counter check-in, the Millennials may have to answer some basic questions about their ticket purchase without getting overly defensive or having to justify their individualized measurements of personal success.
Stated differently, Millennial travelers will need to carry a copy of their parents’ credit card used to purchase their tickets and produce it to the check-in staff, as well show as proof of residence (their parents’ home address, without needing to specify ‘basement, attic or sustainably-built backyard tree-house).
In extremely rare circumstances, gate agents may hand a millennial customer a biodegradable writing utensil to sign a pledge that their social status may have given them an advantage to fly on JetBlue in Millennial Class, even if they, “asked politely for it,” because they may not have truly earned it.
Customers seated in millennial class will not earn additional redeemable miles with JetBlue’s TrueBlue frequent flier program. They will, however, be rewarded with emoji stickers (sad face, clapping hands or HAZMAT mask) to embed on their online profile.
When asked from Wall Street whether Millennial Class will be loyal to the product given their high propensity to become bored easily and deflect, St. George responded that JetBlue has other creative ideas in place to keep the Millennials from churning.
“The greatest competitive advantage about Millennial Class is that it will take us into a space where we can continue to grow and evolve the product way before our competitors, much less customers, even think,” he said. “We have further phases planned on our Millennial Class product road map, such as rolling out, “Even More Safe Space,” and dedicated charter services to Coachella and Bernie Sanders rallies.”
“You won’t get that on Spirit,” he added.
Furthermore, when speaking to the financial viability of the model, Robin Hayes spoke deftly, “Isn’t there anything more Millennial than going into debt?”
Happy April Fools!
Disclaimer: This post was written entirely in jest and in no way, shape or form include actual truthful statements from actual JetBlue employees nor Executives. This post was also not sanctioned or sponsored by JetBlue and was written entirely satirically in honor of April Fools Day. The author does not hold any biases towards Millennials nor towards JetBlue Airways. So, if you’re a Millennial who took offense to this, lighten up and take a joke, please don’t sue me because neither of us can afford that.