Hungry? I sure am. Let’s walk through what you might eat if you were here with me right now at 5:45PM on Monday, July 25, 2011, at the San Francisco International Terminal Red Carpet Club.
Do you have a sweet tooth? Interested in sampling some fine candies? Fear not! United has you covered.
As you can see, one of the United employees has likely robbed a B-rate restaurant, stealing all of their after dinner mints. How thoughtful! There’s a bit of blueberry yogurt, leftover from breakfast, if you need some help washing those mints down.
Oh no? No candy for you? You must be taking the healthy route! Luckily for you, United has you covered with a lovely assortment of vegetables and dip pre-packaged “carrot dippers,” stolen from a seven-year-old’s lunch box.
Ah who am I kidding? I’m sure those carrots aren’t stolen. United probably ordered them from the same place that provided the stale croissants they used to serve. Speaking of croissants, perhaps you’re in the mood to sample some pastries? We all know there is nothing like a tasty breakfast pastry at 5:45 in the afternoon. Once again, United has your back. They have decided not to put the breakfast bagels away so YOU can have some for yourself!
I hope you’re not full yet. Surely you’ve saved room for some crackers and cheese. It appears there is no cheese today.
Cheese is overrated anyways. We can enjoy these crackers on their own just fine. If we must require some type of condiment, there is still some “spread” near the bagels we can use. By now you’re likely full, but don’t worry, United still has “Old Faithful” there for you: the three towers of trail mix, pretzel mix, and yogurt covered raisins. “Old Faithful” will always be there for you… Go on… have some yogurt covered raisins. Just because United hasn’t changed the contents of the towers since they first rolled them out, that doesn’t mean you can’t still love them. Right?
Sigh… With my London flight being delayed for a few hours, it doesn’t look like I’m going to get much of a snack in here. At least I can take solace in my free, sweet, delicious Sierra Nevada pale ale.
United, I don’t think my expectations are unreasonable. I don’t expect the fantastic food that can be found at some lounges. I don’t even expect a salad bar with warm noodles. I do expect a variety of snacks, including vegetables, dip, crackers, cheese, and some sweets. I’ll keep paying for lounge access, even when you raise the price, but don’t make me regret it every time I walk in the door!
